that day began much like ever other day, the beautiful silence killed by her alarm clock. Susan awoke with a shock in a stupor she fell from her bed face greetting the ground as part of her daily ruitine. It had been months since the accident ruined her life, and she was able to walk again, after months of tireless work she was able to walk. But it wasn’t enough, she would never get him back, in comparison her legs were meaningless. Even still she walked slowly to the kitchen half expecting the smell of his cooking to fill the room, nothing. she knew there would be nothing, there was always nothing, but she couldn’t stand the emptiness. The sea of lonliness within her heart threatened every single day. But this day she would fight back, she had some cereal, she still didn’t know how to cook, she got dressed and left the house. Susan still refused to drive so she walked to the train station to make it to the big city. she walked several miles despite her still weak legs. Finally making it to her destination for the auditions, this was to be her first audition since her, tragic loss. She strolled in confident, despite all the horrors in her once perfect life she knew very well that she could read some lines with raw feelings just as well as she used too. She looked down at the paper as she entered thedimly lit room and began to read them with extreme passion.
“I can’t hide my scars with make-up, my scars are inside. I can’t hide anything yet I am invisible, I walk down these halls, and everyone stares. They stare not at my face but at my casts, my wrists, my hair, my uniform. In their eyes I am nothing I am a lifeless form, wrapped in weirdness. I am nothing.”
The words sprang froth from her mouth like a river from the mountain flooding valley of onlookers with a lake of raw feelings, tears filled the room. She was sure she’d get the part, she was sure she’d be working soon, something to get her mind off him for a little while. Susan turned to walk away, but her legs finally gave in from the stress, she colapsed on the stage.
This was to be her redemption, her shot to reclaim a small portion of the kind of life she lived before that fateful day. Now she knew the truth, she hadn’t let go of the pain inside and it reclaimed her legs, she hit the ground with a dull thud and her head continued falling to the floor. Before it hit she knew two things about that moment, the job she worked tirelessly for was no longer her’s and she would soon lose consciousness. She begged for death, it did not come. She woke up in the hospital again and memories of her visit after the car accident began to flood her head. She was beginning to lose her mind at last. The memories were still as clear as day, the smell of the freshly cut grass from her neighbors the flowers from the nearby shop still as beautiful as ever, the pool of red all around her as she clung too his lifeless body her legs refusing to work. the image of his face was burned into the back of her eye lids, whenever she closed them she would see him. It had been months since then and for a while Susan thought she would actually be able to make it without him. Se laid there in the hospital bed thinking only one thing, ‘when will this end’ the thought echoed in the shadows of her skull as she turned to the clock. It had to be the next day.
“maybe I really am nothing.”
She said thinking back on the line she read, hoping she got the part, but knowing they would never give it to someone so physically unstable.
That’s all she really was, unstable. The remnants of a happy life gone wrong.
- In the end: Part 1 (trueecho22.wordpress.com)