Why I haven’t been posting lately.

I don’t know what I’m doing with myself, Everyday from nine to five I apply to as many jobs as I can find online, then sometime between five and nine if the house is empty I play some video games for my YouTube channel, I schedule my uploads to come out on specific days to give the illusion of stability.  I haven’t been writing, I’ve been watching more tv than usual, typically between 7 and 10.  from ten to twelve I try to do some dishes before bed, from ten or eleven until around 2 or 3 I wait for sleep to happen.  I stare up at the stars on my ceiling and just wait.  Why can’t I sleep?  Why haven’t I been writing?  Why does it all feel so pointless?  I should have a job by now, I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, but I’m honestly afraid I’ll never succeed.  And that’s why I can’t sleep, every time I try to write it ends up being about my fears and I just want to stop, I want to pretend it’s all gone, so I watch tv and I read and I play video games, and I hide from my problems.


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